*on my deathbed*
nurse: do you have any last words
me: i………..regret……being so……m…..mean………and heartless…………….
*the light goes out of my eyes*
*a small piece of paper falls out of my hand*
*the paper says one word only*
fucking alone tonight, still on his mind tho.
sometimes i do worry that i’ll end up fake, that you will be right, but then i remember, that’s what you’re afraid of, . thats why you push it on me. You hate to love me. I hope, but if you hate me, then at least you know what you’re feeling. at least you know sometimes i wont ever respond. mostly tho, about you, i just dont know how to react, i wont ever hate you, you’re disgusting, i’m disgusting and we should just leave eachother alone forever.
i’ll never feel for you again, i just don’t know why you get to decide.
I need your approval and the only thing left is hate and symbolic bullshit, “you’re immune to”.
it’s one thing how sick I can make you, you and him, just so much more hurtfull that you take me as the medicine and always go back to drinking it.
but HA, “I don’t hate you” is all he can reply, all i say is silence and he just repeats the pain.